A rainy afternoon and the immaculate timing of my iPod shuffle playing a Radiohead song could not have made this week more of a cliche of a girl being lost now that she is in the real world. Oh yes, it was one of those weeks. One of those weeks where you look for comfort in a Snickers bar, but after 4 you still feel the same. My current life seems to be playing a game with me. I reach one point of relief only to then have something else thrown at me then I find some more relief then again I am in the cycle of something else yet again coming to me. It is like a paradox of a waterbed, one point goes down and another one goes up, it is always moving. Your mind is lost in a world of a million questions. What do I want with life? What can I do that I have not yet done? Maybe I am growing up to fast? You feel like anything will tip you on the edge. Oh dear, I am in the cliche of a quarter life crisis. BUT a small one, because I am optimistic that soon my little crisis point will be history. You are in a constant circle of high points and low points in life. In this circle you will always find you return to a place where all is okay. Let’s explore….
Currently, I am still struggling with communication with one ex. I am considering resorting to old fashion ways of getting a carrier pigeon. However, I am positive about this situation. Why? Well because when we do talk it sheds a light on this person who is impossible to read. I also know that one day we will get back that closeness as good friends do, because history tends to repeat itself. I am reminded of this by other ex who is now my daily dose of humor after 9 months of not talking. It is a cycle in life! In life you go through romances and break ups, but you know eventually you will find someone. What about work? You have good days and bad days, you have phases where you wonder if you should look further afield, you have days thinking you will prosper where you are. Again a wonderful cycle in life. As an expat, your friends come and go, you hit a phase where you feel alone as no one is left. However, you know that you will always end up meeting someone else who will become your best friend. Sometimes it is even the little things in life, one night you have way too much vodka, but a few years later you can face it again (guilty as charged). You have a favorite cafe, it closes, but a new place will soon become your new favorite. It is a never ending cycle.
So back to my current crisis. Why not be optimistic? After all everything else seems to be in a cycle, so why not this current phase? I have no clue what the coming weeks will bring me, but what good will it be thinking doom is ahead? Guilty as charged, I turn to the little things to help make the coming weeks more erm peachy. Tomorrow is a new week, the end of the month is a holiday, some good concerts coming up, horoscope says the second half of the month will be great. If anything optimism is saving me in my current phase of cluelessness. Maybe I am too optimistic that life has a cycle of highs and lows, but does it really hurt to think at some point a high will come again? Being positive doesn’t bring any harm. Positivity brings you a little hope that something good is coming your way if you are patient. While gin and tonic may give that extra kick to help you get through the present, it is optimism that gives you momentum to carry on.
I can’t even exaggerate, because it is a fact this year so far has been a roller coaster on the life cycle of highs and lows. It will take a long tropical holiday to help me make any sense of what has happened in the past 2 months. I have no clue what is in store to come. But I already know a good point will come soon, because that simply is life. So in the mean time all I can do is be optimistic and maybe cut down on the snickers…